Tulum had her first half marathon this year. In the still, early morning, the patter of feet on pavement called me to the window to witness, like you might for the first snow. Moon setting, sun rising, I watched the fast and the slow nearly able to taste years of running, winning often, high on endorphins and the “thrill of victory”.
I watched some stop to catch their breath. Others passed, reminding me of the “agony of defeat”. Labored breaths reminded me how I’d believed that if I couldn’t win, I shouldn’t run. Loads of times I didn’t win. But I was in it to win. Through health, injuries and illness, I needed to win. That race reminded me, it was a recipe for losing.
At some point you have to stop. No one “wins” all the time. There’s always someone faster, who’ll solve the puzzle sooner, who’s in a life pose differently than you, so you think it’s better and can’t compete. But if you continue doing the thing for love, smiling with gratitude because you can do the thing, you’ve won.
I watched until the last people kept moving after others finished so far ahead of them they’d never meet. I cheered, shouting into the stillness and the pattering of feet. I saw their thrill at doing something you love for the doing. Nothing more. It reminded me that when you let go of the need to win, to be considered “good” you find the freedom to do what you love.
Discover what you’ll do whether you win or not. The thing for which there is no “agony of defeat”, only a deep internal peace from doing what lights you up. I found yoga, writing and solitude through that agony of defeat. My body and spirit had been badly bruised, if not broken. These things made me feel ok, eventually, whole. Ten years into my yoga studio, on my 5th book and 22 years cancer free, it’s liberating to be me.
For this new year and holiday season, I wish we all find what we do when there is no prize at the end. I hope we can all find the thing that makes us, us.
If you need a hand, Tribal Tulum is here with yoga, inspiration and magic. We’re starting a new series of retreats highlighting traditional Mexican therapies and, of course, yoga and meditation. Join us.
If you’ve found the thing and want inspire others, submit to Paradise Found, Winter edition. We’ll document what winter stillness is to us. Perhaps it’s the patter of feet on pavement in a race or the sun on newly fallen snow. Or presents you’ve placed under the tree as others sleep in anticipation.
Happiest of Holiday seasons.
Be you. Be true.